Happy New Year and Ignyte Launch

Hello! Thanks for visiting my blog =) First, my apologies for starting the blog one day later than its launch date. That’s because I sort of totally fell asleep when I got home last night. Dance practice was supposed to be intensive, from 9am, and the first and final rehearsals for Ignyte launch were to be held as well. After many many hours of training, resting, eating, talking and etc, it was time for the first Ignyte service of the year!

Now I find myself getting butterflies in my stomach when I think about it, which is totally different from how I was feeling right before the dance. I was quite composed and calm, feeling rather peaceful and looking forward to dancing for God. It really didn’t feel like my very first time serving God in a performing ministry, doing a genre of dance that I never did before. I suppose all my nervousness must have been used up on Friday — I was literally quaking.

I have to thank God for even allowing me the opportunity to serve Him thus, as He was the one who gave me the final push and breakthrough on Friday night to be able to do so. Since the dance min wasn’t able to meet up for practices from tuesday through Friday due to school reopening, we were responsible for practicing at home. It was then a problem that I had been struggling with for a long time decided to pop out and haunt me. It took only a short time to totally rock my spiritual platform, and by Thursday I was questioning myself and doubting my ability to serve God on such a platform as the launch.

I was seriously considering not serving, and wanted to talk to Fran about it, then I remembered it is 2007 and she’s not my Spiritual Parent (SP) anymore. Heh. So everything worked such that I found myself on the bus to church on Friday for the prayer meeting, even though I had that really strong urge to turn back and go home during the journey. Talk about my fight-or-flight response. I knew that I had a problem, but didn’t want to confront it because it’s not fun, and it WILL bring about a change.

I remember feeling queasy as I stepped into the auditorium and saw who’s sitting around me. All those leaders, and many others whom are spiritual and those I look up to. Then I felt resigned because they saw me and I can’t run out, heh. I felt like how a sinner would feel standing in front of God, wanting to bolt at the smallest hint of judgement. I was also kinda paranoid that those around me can feel my “bad vibes”.

I couldn’t worship, couldn’t focus nor raise my hands, and was uber easily distracted. My prayers were jumbled, fumbling and feeble, and I was so self-conscious that I wanted to melt and disappear into the carpet. In the middle of P. Peter’s message, I told God, “You have to help me, please help me, I can’t go on like this!” I was fighting a losing battle as I depended on my own strength to keep doubts and dark thoughts sent by the enemy from pouring into my mind.

Then came the altar call for a full surrender unto Him, through which God caught my fall and lifted me back onto my feet. But it wasn’t till P. Peter’s sensing in the spirit about a spirit of despair and hopelessness, and God’s breaking that foul spirit that my spirit was lifted. There was such a sense of relief, and a slow realisation that hey, things aren’t that bad, and that I wasn’t totally off course, and now I’m standing secure in Him again. Thank God for breaking the influence of that despair thingy… It can really wreck havoc.

That night I was praying real hard for myself, for serving, and for the launch. Knowing that I had to turn up so early the next day didn’t help much. But God’s peace allowed me to rest, knowing that everything will be secure in Him.

And so, the sun shone brightly on Saturday morning.

In retrospect, the launch service went very well. There were no technical hiccups, the dance was fine and well-received, credits to Alicia for choreographing it =) and there were so many first time visitors (FTVs)! I got a glimsp of how much preparation goes in for a service, and it is uber cool to see so many people serving wholeheartedly. One of Ubri’s goals for her cell is to have 100% serving by the end of 4 months, which would be so awesome. Imagine going for cell lunch before going early for service preparations together! Whoo!

And to just round up my first post, well… I believe that God watches over every one of us, and keeps us from harm. He uses everything that happens in the lives of His children for good, and for moulding. The many events that happened to me in the space of 4 days shows how much God is capable of doing, and hints of the miracles and breakthroughs that can be found in Him. And now that I’m considerably freer, I can go find a job. =)